Aim Of Woman
Since I was, let’s say, 14, 15, she wanted me to stop school, because she realized I was getting more educated than she was. And also, the aim of women in the whole Mediterranean, at least of that year, are to marry the girl, to give them shelter, you see, to give the responsibility of the girl to a husband, to make sure that somebody would take care of her.1 There were no divorces, they seldom divorced. The churches made it very hard to divorce. So, it was almost impossible.
So, that was her image and dream for me. So, she was very worried to see me go beyond age 13, 14 to school. And I went to the equivalent of French high school and college by working already at age 16 in an office, because we needed money. And I insisted, and then when I left, I had a scholarship from the French government. So, I went to Paris. And she said you will not — I was the only the child, and she was in a foreign country really. So, she said you will not see me, and I just strutted off, and when she died, and I was, after Paris, in Berkeley, at U.C. Berkeley, studying philosophy, I felt guilty for all this. I took it very badly, I felt guilty. But I couldn’t do otherwise. I feel guilty without saying I should have done differently.